Never ending...

There is much debate among the scientific community as to whether or not a person can become addicted to food. If those same scientists took a poll they would find that many people believe it is possible, and some people feel that they are. I believe that I am addicted to food.

When I had my wisdom teeth removed I also had an abscessed tooth that was to be removed as well. I was in so much pain that the dentist kept me on pain pills everyday for a month before the surgery, increased my dosage after surgery, and then kept me on pills for a month after when I developed dry socket. When I would not take a pain pill I would get pains in the gaping holes in my gums. I started to notice that these pains came at particular times in the day when I was feeling very anxious or stressed. When those pains would hit I felt an over whelming feeling that I needed a pain pill. That strong feeling of need scared me. I decided to see what would happen if I just did not take a pill, even though the dentist told me that I should. The pain I felt was the same pain I had when my teeth were compacted and the roots were twisted like vines around my jaw. These were phantom pains and they lasted at best for about 30 minutes. I realised that while I was actually feeling pain, the source of the pain was all in my head. I felt that I was becoming addicted and stopped the pills immediately. At first my phantom pains came frequently, but over the next 6 months they went away all together. Since my experience with pain pills, I have noticed a parallel in my feelings and actions towards food.

I can taste food as vividly as if I were eating it, almost out of no where. There is no craving before hand, I will not even be thinking about food when I will taste something wonderful. The sensation is so strong that often times I will stop and ask those around me if they smell the food that I am tasting; looking for a reason for my sensory explosion. No one can ever smell it. It is all in my head.

Most people would imagine that someone who feels that they are addicted to food is heavy. I believe that weight has nothing to do with it. A little over 2 years ago I was 30lbs over weight. I have lost 35lbs since and have kept it off for two years. I am now a solid size 4 and my food addiction hasn't changed since I was a size 8-10. The only thing that has changed is my consistency in dealing with my food addiction. By blogging about my progress and struggles I hope that I can make this life change permanent.